Merry Christmas.

Ah, the fun times of working in a pub leading up to Christmas. I have to work all weekend (32 hours in 3 days) and serve people who are rude, patronising, egocentric twats.

It might be "your Christmas day" but that does not mean that I can pull crackers out of my arse, perhaps next time you should ring up beforehand to let us know your requirements or bring your own.

Yes, I know more than three of you ordered the turkey, but I haven't mastered balancing plates on my head just yet so you'll have to wait for me to go back to get the rest.

No, I cannot take a drinks order right now, unfortunately those people over there want their food; which I happen to be carrying; before it goes cold.

Soup? Who ordered the soup? Who the fuck is David?

We're closed, yes that does mean I can't get you any drinks. Not even a small one.

I'm so sorry you had to wait 10 minutes for your coffee. I did only have to make 20 all at them same time. I'm surprised they haven't sacked me.

Merry fucking Christmas to you too.

No thanks.

I never did go for that drink with Biker, it was all set up and arranged, we were going for a drink after work at a pub. Then he text me and said he thought it would be best if I just went around his. I'm sure it would be. For him. I personally have never been a fan of going over to a strangers house with no one else there. I prefer not to be murdered. So thanks, but no thanks. Dammit, I deserve a drink at least. How cheap does he think I am?


Besides it's not really about him, it's totally about this other boy. If only I could figure out how he felt about me, I might be brave enough to do something about it.

Could you imagine how horrible things would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable.
Randy K. Milholland

A date or not a date, that is the question.

Here is a text conversation between me and a guy I used to work with (hereafter known as Biker)

Biker: Hiya, it's Biker here, I don't suppose you have the number of a girl we both worked with do you?

Me: I'm really sorry, but I dont have her number, and she's stopped working here too! I'll ask around for you, and see if I can get it for you.

Biker: Oh, I didn't realise she'd left, LOL. You at work tonight? Do you want to go for a drink sometime or something, when you're free to get to know each other better?


To get to know each other better, What the hell is that? I honestly would not think I was being asked out except for that last sentence!! Especially as he has a girlfriend as well. What do you think? Date or no date? Should I go? (I already know I'm going actually, he has a motorbike, and a hot Nothern accent.)

Flight of the conchords

If you don't know who flight of the conchords are, then shame on you. They are a hilarious comedy folk band who currently have a series running on the BBC's digital channel.

Everytime I watch it I nearly DIE laughing, that's how good they are, they nearly kill me. Fear not those who are out drinking every time it's on it's just been released on DVD.

Plus they're totally hot.

Happy November

Being only 22 (so young, I know) and being extremely poor I am living with my parents again, which defiantly has it's perks, i.e some of my laundry being done, a lift to the pub, my Dad who lends me money, oh and free lodgings.

But with great sponging comes great nagging, whenever I mention to my Mom any plans I have, for instance finding a real job, she will use this to nag me for the next few days, until I eventually have to beat someone round the head with a blunt object (usually my brother (he's the person I beat, not the blunt object, but that could work too)).

Anyways, I better get applying before she starts nagging again.

Dirty Stop Out

I am a Dirty Stop Out, according to my own Mother, it's always fun to be woken up by a concerned parent by them saying, "What time did you get in at last night? You're such a dirty stop out." Ah Motherly Love.

To be fair I was a bit of a Dirty Stop Out, but I'm not working 'till 3pm and the clocks went back, which means an extra hour in bed, so why the hell not. Plus I was out with Cute Guy From Work, which always makes it more interesting.

No gossip though, but hopefully some soon.


----------------------------------------------

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY to my sisters the Twins (their official name) have a great day girlies.

The Cute Boy at Work.

This post does exactly what it says on the tin. There is a cute boy at work. Some times I really do heart crushes, especially on people at wprk, as it gives you a reason to put makeup on.

He is such a sweetie, although slow, very, very slow. But at least he is too lazy to turn into an arse. However there are problems, as usual Problem numero uno; he is only 20. Promblemo numero duo; I've totally already pulled him. Ooops.

Vocabulary

I don't think my vocabulary is particularly large or varied, however when conversing with my peers, they always seem to be stood in front of me making confused faces, and arguing that "feigning" is not a real word.

In any case, I wish these friends of mine picked up the occasional book to read, as these conversations are becoming physically painful for me. Although I don't think any will be as horrific as the day I saw a blackboard at work informing the staff that today's soup of the day was "sweet potatoe" I cried a little.

"Real" Life

If you had to find a "real" job, to start your "real" life, or continue working in a pub with people you like (possibly fancy) what would you do????


OK, I'll start looking for a proper job again, but I'm not happy about it.

Things can only get better...

Do you ever feel that things have to get really bad before they start to get better?

Well I do. And things are getting better for me. I'm making new friends at work, I've made some decisions about me, and the other night when I was out I got a free drink. And it wasn't even spiked.

Now all I have to do is get a hair cut, I'm thinking about getting a fringe, decisions, decisions...

Friends

I am missing university and all my friends a lot more than i thought i would, in fact it is getting me down, so an award to a fabulous friend who text me yesterday at just the right moment is for Jenny. Thanks Jenny, I really needed that.

Also, I've realised that the boy trouble is all my own doing, and so i'm just going to forget about the whole thing, and be glad for him as my friend (also he's way to much work to have as a boyfriend). So no more biy trouble. woo!

Comedy

I love comedy. The more surreal the better, so when I was at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival (here after known as "the fringe") I was in heaven. Even more so than usual as I was with my comedy geek friend Charlie. One of the shows he suggested to go and see was "the lost tapes of Tom Bell" we never made it, we were far to busy sleeping at that time of the day to do anything (2pm just in case you're wondering) however, God obviously hates me as it is on again in London for a one off show, and I can't make it. So you may as well go it's at Ryan's Bar in North London on the 11th Semptember, go and enjoy.

It's my baby brother's birthday on the 7th September, so I got him some DVDs (he wanted clothes, but dammit he owns more clothes than I do) now the DVD I bought him are pure comedy genius, the show is called "look around you" and it's one of the funniest things i've ever seen, especially if you've ever seen an educational programme at school.

Naked Strangers

Well, yesterday's post was particularly whiney, and for that I apologise, so here is a story from Awesome Australia&trade

Whilst travelling about Awesome Australia&trade to save money me and my freind decided to stay in hostels, hostels with dormitories.. Now most of the time this was fun, and a lot of the time it was an insight into how strange people really are. We had just arrived in Sydney and we checked intoour hostel staright away. Upon entering there is already a girl in the room, we all smile politely, but before we get so much the chance to say "Hi, my name is Anna, what's yours?" She strips off her top and starts pointing at her back. At this point I realise she's German, and can't really speak English, frustrated at me not responding to her, she starts to take off her trousers. I make some feeble attempt at stopping her, but being British I mainly just begin to blush, I really hadn't expected to walk into a porn movie.

I finally figure out that she had had an allergic reaction to something yesterday, and she wanted me to heck her for a rash, but at this point all I want to do is have a vodka (or perhaos a post coital cigarette) so I murmer some words of encouragement and she covers herself back up again. Thankfully that's the last time she strips for me.

The End

The trouble with boys.....

...is that no matter how hard you study body language books or avidly read cosomopolitan you can't be sure whether they fancy you or not. Now as it happens I don't usually mind, if it's some random I meet and we hit it off and I quite fancy him I'd probably just try to pull him, you get your answer oretty fast then. If it was an acquatinace who I'd got a little crush on, with my amazing self esteem I'd prpbably just presume he didn't fancy me and continue flirting and dreaming. But my problem at the minute is that it's one of my best freinds, and I can't even be sure that I fancy him (although I'm reasonably certain that I do).

So, when it's one of your best friends you automatically expect certain things from them, that you might otherwise use as an indication of whether or not he fancies me. Such as when I text him he replies, even if it's a pointless text message (however if I text him at the same time as my other friends he is always the first to reply...)

On top of this I am now a few hours away from where he lives, I don't want to rock the boat, and he never texts me with random pointless stuff to start a conversation I am utterly confused, and I know the answer is probably he doesn't fancy me, so I should stop moping but it's way easier to obsess andblame him for being to chicken to declare his undying love for me.

To be continued

Why I hate cobbelstones (and Kama)

In Edinburgh they love cobbelstones, the whole city is paved in them, one problem with this is that when cobbelstones get wet, they become slippery. Add to this the fact that Edinburgh is in Scotland and very very hilly and you have a recipe for disastor (disastor music should be playing in your head now).

On the second day of me being in Edinburgh this August, me and my friends needed food, so we made our dutiful trek to Tesco's and picked up some goodies (read this as pasta and alcohol) on the way back we had to navigate a particularly steep hill which was paved with cobbelstones, after it had just been raining. Half way down and my friend falls over, now obviously I did what any good friend did, I laughed my arse off. Unfortunately kama wasn't too happy about this, and so I dutiful fell over in an extreemly comic manner.

Luckily I didn't break anything (read this as the bottles of booze I was carrying) and I have a sense of humour, I just felt bad for the man who passed, who obviously couldn't decide if I needed to be helped to my feet. In the end he decided no.

Employed

You may or may not know that since leaving university a few monhs ago, I have gone to Australia, Hong Kong and Edinburgh, and not done much to get a job.. Today however I entered the workd of work. Not unfortnatly as a professional biomed, but instead as a barmaid, but work is work is work.

I do already need to take time off though, I have to go and perform the sow which me and my friends worte for Edinburgh in fresher's in October so the question is, to ask for time off or feign an illness, decsions, decisions, decisions.

Everybody seems nice at the bar, and there are lots of young'uns to keep me entertained when all my friends abandon m for university and girlfriends. Fingers crossed for some good looking boys though, I am still in the midst of "boy trouble" but another boy might be worth more trouble!

Anyhoo i'm going to finish my inane ramblings now.

Edinburgh

I just came back from the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. It was all types of awesome, we saw some awesom comedy, performed some awesome comedy, and met some awesome comedians.

Meeting Nemo

So today I thought I'd tell you a story from my Awesome Australia (tm) trip, obviously Australia being awesome leads to many awesome stories but the one I will tell you today is particularly awesome as it involves an italian and a turtle.

Me and Sarah had decided tht whilst in Australia we could not pass up the chance to see the Great Barrier Reef, and go snorkling on it (in it?), with that in mind we booked our flights and headed up North to the warmer climates of Queensland. Once there we set sail upon the boat Quicksilver to the reefs off the coast of Cairns. Me and Sarah decided we only wanted to go snorkling, as we were flying back to Sydney pretty quickly, and it's not particularly safe to go scuba diving and then go flying straight after.

We went out on our first snorkling session of the day with no problems, I wasn't killed by anything which is always a good start to any trip. After the first snorkling session however we had a talk from our snorkling guide Andre, he was talking about turtles, very enthusiastically, as he was Italian there was much hand waving an gesticulating and punching the air to achieve the deisired impact and importance of what he was saying.


"What do you NOT do when you see a turtle?" Andre asks us (us being the beused tourists)

".....touch them" Some one suggests nervously from the back

"No this is fine. What you must not do, is RIDE THE TURTLES!!!"


Damn! Now what was I meant to do with my turtle harness?

Who the hell is riding the turtles that Andre felt the need he had to explain that to us? I don't know, but I sure would like to meet him and shake his/her hand.

Cupcakes

I made cupcakes today, some had caramel icing, some had lemmon icing, they're pretty damn good if I do say so myself. Maybe I should become a baker?

Jobs etc.

Hi Guys,

I didn'tforget you all whilst I was away in AWesome Australia (tm) it's just every tineI tried to log on the sign in sheet was in Chinese, and I can not even utter a word of Chinese let alone read it!

So expect stories and anacdotes galore in the coming days, but forst let me tell you a story of woe about my two younger sisters (Miss Persona II and Miss Persona III) they, like any responsible teenagers in their summer break attempted to get jobs to cover their exepnses (such as drinking and buying shoes) and agreed to do a route delivering Thompson Directories, they soon relaised that doing the route and abidinh to the terms of contrqact would wind up with them being payed £1 an hour, and apparetnly salve labour was abolished in England. So shame on you Thompson's Directory, Shame on you.

First Aid?!

I was out and about today in my local shopping centre, picking up some last minute things for going to Awesome Australia (tm) and I noticed an old man had fallen. I didn't go straight over as there were a few official looking people about, until I noticed that the girl who was administering "first aid" had no clue at all to what she was doing. So being trained in the first aid, and having attending a medical school I went over to offer my assistance, and was told, it's OK "Jenny" knows first aid.

I think that "Jenny" is actually apart of some Satan Worshiping cult, and what she was administering was in fact Death Aid! What a Bitch. But on the plus side it meant I still had time for a coffee.

The End

Places That Suck, car edtion

Why it sucks to be stuck on the motorway in your car

1. You were due home half an hour ago
2. The only thing on the radio is heavy metal/trance or a combination of the two
3. You've ran out of polos
4. You need the toilet
5. You're not a boy so can't go to the toilet in a bottle

Booby Trap

So I moved out of London, I've liverd there for four years whilst studying at University, I've made, and lost friends there, I've laughed and cried there, and even had my heart broken there. I miss it desperatly, I miss my friends, my independance, my time alone, I miss the city, the suburb I lived in. But I know I will be back there soon, hopefully without the Boy Trouble.

I arrived home yesterday afternoon, with a car load of my possessions which I had manage to accumulate. On my Mothers request I put my stuff away in our dining room. A few months ago my father had helpfully removed floor boards, so he could start sorting out the heating, of course he never managed to put the floor boards back. I'm carying boxes, and can't see the hole in the floor, I am simply thankful that the hole was deep, and my foot never reached the floor, that probably would've ended in a breakage, as it is, i'm just bruised, my entire leg, and my ego.

Thanks Dad!

Fabulous Friends

So I am doing an award for my friends, to give them something to aspire to, this is for my Fabulous Friends, who do something which makes me glad I know them. As I give out these awards I'll be able to build up some rules, so I can decide who truly deserves it.

Rule Number One
Must be able to make me smile at 5am

and the winner is.....



....Jenny and Chris, congratulation guys, you rock!

Boy Trouble

I guess most girls experience some Boy Trouble at one time or another, and I think this is my time.

Now the reason I say "I think" as opposed to "I am having" is that I'm not sure whether or not I'm having Boy Troubles, so I guess I'll explain and you can decide what you think.

The Beginning

I know a Boy, lets call him Humphrey, well Humphrey and I have been friends for a very long time, three years, and in this time we have gotten on better at some points than others, but recently we have had exams and so we became revision buddies, now when you spend every day with some one for months you become close, and you get to know them very well.

The Middle

So all of our friends start nudging each other, and discussing how we are going to end up going out, etc.

And then i start to wonder if I fancy him (damn my tendency to listen to others) and I thought I'd test the waters, so to speak, (no we didn't do that) and he didn't seem to be against the idea, ifyouknowwhatimean.

But recently he's been acting really weird, and rude and nasty, and I he won't tell me what his problem is beacuse we never even talked about it in the first place. I mean I'd prefer to have him as a friend than a nothing, and it seems like such a waste of a friendship, but if he's just going to be bitchy to me what's the point?

To Be Continued...

Hayfever

Do you suffer from Hayfever?

I do. I can nearly cope with the itchy eyes and the running nose, but i can't cope with the tickly throat and ears, it's driving me insane!!!!

[starts running about for no apparent reason, runs into door]

[silence]

Places that suck, home edition

Places that suck, my house in London

Reasons to prove it:

1. I live with the most unhygenic person I know
2. She's training to be a Doctor
3. My Landlady enjoys breaking the law and violating my privacy
4. I'm being kicked out 15days before my contract is up
5. She expects me to pay for the full month
6. I live with a homophobe
7. My toilet doesn't flush

Sad

Today I am Sad.

Many reasons, but none of them really good enough.

I hate being Sad.

If I was in Awesome Australia would I be Sad?

If I wasn't packing would I be Sad?

If I wasn't leaving Tooting would I be Sad?

If boys weren't idiots would I be Sad?

Probably.

If I could spell proably would i be Sad?

Today I will be Sad, but tomorrow I will not be Sad.

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

I have four brothers and sisters, we are all very close in age, in fact my older brother is only 11 months older than me. So imagine the stress to my parents when taking us on holiday. We mainly had holidays in devon, cornwall or france when I was younger, in other words we always drove all the way. As we were children, and children are very annoying the minute we left the house we began that age old song and dance "Are we nearly there yet?" Quite possibly the most annoying thing to hear from five children, especially as we would ask it every 15 seconds for as long as it took us to get where we were going.

My Mom had a secret weapon up her sleave though, she had an even more annoying answer, so annoying that after a while we gave up asking, as the answer would annoy and frustrate us, and cause us to plot my Mothers demise quitely in the back of the car. The answer was "Every time the wheels turn, we get a little bit closer"

Touche' Mom, Touche'.

Preparing for Australia

Or Awesome Australia(tm) as I am now renaming it.

Today I went and bought (read that as my Mom went and bought, thanks Mom) a 50L Backpack, a 10L Backpack, suncreme, a liner for my sleeping bag, walking sandals, a torch and travel towels.

Fun!

Not so fun, I spent all afternoon in the bank making sure I would be able to get at my money when I am out there, so far so good.

Procrastination....

...is what i do best, that's why it's been over a month since i last posted. Woo, go me!


Since then I have finished University, booked a trip to Australia, booked a trip to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, gone to many parties, and have been travelling in between London and Birmingham to keep friends and folks happy.

I'll write some more about my adventures soon.

The Library

It is official, I am pleased to announce that the place that sucks the most is the library I even have reasons to prove it;

1. You are not allowed to talk in the library
2. People talk to loud in the library
3. The library is cold, I shouldn't have to wrap up warm to sit indoors
4. The librarians are evil
5. I'd rather be in the park, playing on the swings, swings are cool

The end

First Post

Thought I'd start off my blog on a strong note, a witty note, a sharp note so I have prepared a joke for you, that's right especially for you hours, literally....seconds have been spent thinking the beauty up...

Q: Why did the mushroom go to the party?


A: Because he was a fun guy




Get it? Fun guy, fun-gi, fungi? Hahahaha! O.K. maybe I didn't think that all up by myself, maybe I ripped it off QI when I was watching it last week. But surely it's the thought that counts?